


Trust broken once too often

by BFHwantsblood



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Hurt Loki (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-31 13:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19426612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BFHwantsblood/pseuds/BFHwantsblood
Summary: Frigga and Loki have a heart to heart as Loki slips a down a darker path.





	Trust broken once too often

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Skid the Ice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19225738) by [Sheriarty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheriarty/pseuds/Sheriarty). 



> This is a re-write from the second chapter of Skid the Ice, starting from when Frigga enters the room.
> 
> Skid the Ice: Alternative continuation of The Avengers (2012) in which Tony doesn't land back on Earth, he lands in Jötunheim.
> 
> Beta by Olivier_Mira

“… I do believe this is enough, do you not think?”

Both men wince, Thor, whirling around to where Frigga is standing in the room with her hands folded together in front of her. To be able to enter and walk towards them without either of them even noticing her presence spoke of her skill, or maybe just how heated their argument had become.

While Thor bows his head in respect and steps towards his mother to greet her with a small kiss on the cheek, Loki simply stares at her.  
  
He hasn't seen Frigga since being returned to Asgard, hasn't tried to think of her all this time in his cell. He is still not sure how he thinks of her and when their eyes meet, Loki does not hold her gaze. He looks back to the belongings, putting them all to memory and placing some of them in his bag.  
  
He appears to ignore the two Aesir in favour of inspecting a rather sharp dagger. How he has missed holding his weapon of choice... but he is secretly listening intently to their mumbling, sadly not able to make out anything useful.

A few moments later, Thor steps into Loki's line of vision once more, positioning himself like he owns Loki.  
  
“You will bring Anthony back safely, do you hear me?” Thor's voice is hard and when Loki ignores him, solely out of spite, the God of Thunder strides over to him and grabs him by the shoulder, turning him around. Loki gives him an innocent grin, even as he feels Thor's hands flinch back at the feel of his cold skin.

“You will bring him back safe and if you dare hurt him, Loki...” the god growls warningly, but Loki only snorts at the empty threat. “Then what? You will make me do your astronomy homework again?”

Thor's eyes, hilariously enough, flicker to Frigga at that, as if afraid of her finding out what they did when they were children, before returning to glare at him. “Then I will personally bring you to the green Berserker of Midgard to play with.”  
  
Loki sighs. "Thor, your green friend is nothing but a pleasant dream compared to what Odin is sending me to. If I decide against doing Odin's biding and you somehow find me in the nine realms, then I will welcome your green beast and death’s clutches."  
  
Because if Thor could find him, then 'He'would have found him long before that and Loki would welcome death’s grasp to get away from 'Him,’ for sure. 

Something flickers in Thor's eyes as the thunder god surprisingly enough lets it go at that and leaves the room with a last look at Frigga.  
  
Loki turns his back to her to walk down the table once more, even though he has already memorized everything he needs. He can feel her eyes on him like needles digging into his back.   
  
“You should take some coin, too. Gold helps more than a knife, often enough,” Frigga says as she steps toward the table, letting her fingertips run over a small bag of coins. Loki ignores her.

A hand on his arm makes him halt, her skin feeling too warm on his ice skin. His head turns to look down. The difference between them is as obvious as night and day. Her golden skin, so much like Thor's, stands out against his ice blue. It pains him like an old wound that she knew about this, about the monster that he was beneath Odin's magic. He shakes her hand off in annoyance, moving a step away from her.  
  
“Try to see this as a chance, not a punishment.”

He wants to laugh at her, to shout out in anger. His seidr sparks under his skin and he is sure that the room drops in temperature as his eyes flick to her, mouth pulling into a sneer.  
  
“I have the choice between rotting away in a cell now and rotting away in a cell with a window if I survive my trip to a planet where every living creature wants to kill me. What a dazzling array of choices to be given.”  
  
He can hear her sigh even though he does not meet her eyes. “Loki, you tried to wreak genocide on a whole race-“  
  
His seidr does crackle at that, sparking a blue-green across his arms.   
  
“I did the same as Thor. It’s just that my method was actually successful."  
  
He takes a breath, forcing his seidr down under his skin. It is so wild, almost painfully so since his release and yet it is still so incredibly weak from what it had been just a scarce few years ago.   
  
“You know you are not here because of that. Thor was foolish, I will not deny it, and he received punishment for what he did. But the attack back on Utgard you cannot compare-“  
  
"I attacked because you put me in that situation. You gave me Gungnir right after learning about the monster under my skin. I was already at war with the seidr under my skin. How did you expect me to react when war was on the horizon and I could trust no one in this place to stand with me when the golden prince was to return? A prince whose only use is on the battlefield and not in the strategies of war?”  
  
“Stop twisting the happenings, Loki. You know as well as I do that this is not true,” Frigga replies calmly.  
  
Her face softens, then she steps closer once more, her eyes dark with emotions that Loki cannot decipher. “I gave you Gungnir because I had to see what you would do with that power given to you,” she whispers quietly. “And what did you do? You tried to kill your own brother, to destroy a whole Realm and risk the Allfather's life by letting Laufey into Asgard.”

It was like a dagger in his gut, but he managed not to stir at her words. She was just testing him? That was why she gave him Gungnir? 

“You said it was my right. You said I should be king. I led Laufey here so I could kill him easily where he did not suspect! I did not know that he would call for war when Thor killed a few of his! I just wanted to show you that Thor wasn’t ready to be king! I just wanted to protect my home! I wanted to finish what Thor did not!”

I wanted you to be proud of me, he screamed in his mind. Foolish him had wanted their approval for once, for a single time in his life! Wanted to prove himself worthy to be called Odinson! Wanted to be better, for once, than his brother!

Ice crackles under his feet and his hands feel both too warm and ice cold as rage claws at his mind. She betrayed him just like the rest of his so-called family. Except this was worse, the worst one of all, as he hadn't expected this from her. Hadn't expected such cruelty and yet he should have. This was the person who said I love you, son, while lying to him with the very same words. And while he was at his weakest, most vulnerable, she used him, tested him and then tossed him aside when he did not perform as they wished.

"I know," she says and his eyes flick to her again, so he catches her eyes flicking between his hands and feet. He detects the slightest hint of fear as laughter bubbles in his chest and yet, he doesn't let it out.   
  
“I know you wanted to right your wrong… I know you did not expect your mischief against Thor to lead to war. But that does not excuse you risking your brother’s life by sending the Destroyer after him out of spite. It does not excuse you lying to him about Odin's death... it does not excuse you trying to extinguish a whole Realm... It does not excuse the happenings on Midgard.”  
  
He does not need her to explain why they send him off to a suicide mission. Why they think he is too dangerous to be let out to do anything else. He knows he is even more dangerous now that the fall and 'He' had unhinged something in Loki. There was a wild part of him that would do anything to survive and didn’t care whom it had to go through to do that. Even more so now that his last tie to sanity has been tainted.  
  
His seidr agrees. It is begging beneath his skin to be set free, to rage and destroy as much of Asgard as it can. Maybe he wasn't quite a monster just for being a frost giant runt, but now they have unleashed something else. Something that had once tried to be like them and wishes to do so no more. One that will use all his weapons and not just those simple tricks that were accepted by them.   
  
It idly occurs to him that she had addressed what happened after his fall into the void as 'happenings' and not as direct results of his actions. She was the first to phrase it like that.  
  
He watches her and she returns his look as if knowing exactly what he’s thinking. As if she knew what happened after his fall when he landed in 'His' hands. Or at least she thinks she knows. Loki doubted anyone could imagine such a thing. Why did she not come to talk to him about it? Why leave him to his own nightmares? Is it because he is the monster they have feared all along? The monster they locked away, only to use when they see fit?  
  
Something must have shown on his face, for with a small surprise, he sees tears gathering in the corners of Frigga’s eyes. They do not get shed and after a second, they are gone again. Maybe he only imagined them?

“I know what it takes for you to fear someone so fiercely, Loki.”  
  
There is a small pause. Frigga looks as if she wants to say more of the matter, but thinks better of it. “...I have read of that sceptre and its influence. I did... but I will need time to soothe the Allfather's anger concerning your actions. Loki... you should have come to us for help instead of letting it control you, letting him control you. You could have asked Thor for help on Earth-”  
  
If she had read as much of his mind as she thought she had, then she would know such a thing would have been impossible. Even more than that... did they really think him such a monster that he would lead 'Him' to what was once his home...?  
  
"Why would I trust you after you have lied to me and used me?”   
  
Loki straightens to his full height, seidr swirling under his skin as he glares at her and sees that she can't quite meet his red eyes.   
  
"And I was right. You may have guessed a little of what I went through, yet you threw me in a cell, locked me up just as 'He' did. Locked my very core away from me and left me defenceless to any who wished ill against me."  
  
To lock all but the barest hint of seidr away from him had been one of the last breaks in trust. The final step, pushing him too far.   
  
"Loki... we would have helped you."  
  
"Odin made it perfectly clear on the bridge that I have no place here."  
  
She frowned at that and a part of him wondered what exactly Odin had told her about that night. 

Loki huffed, then grinned maliciously. “I always wondered where Thor got his foolishness from... It must have been his mother,” he stated clearly, seeing her eyes dim in pain, but feeling nothing but scorn in his heart about it.

She tried one last time. “We are showing you that we, after all, are willing to try and trust you. I need you to show us that we can trust you, too.”  
  
"I do not want your trust, nor anyone else’s on this realm."

He did not trust them, not when so much showed him why he shouldn't. How they fed him up with stories of blue monsters eating their own children, when he himself was one of those monsters. And they knew all along.

How he fell.

The Void.

The pain.

There was no way back.  
  
With a flick of his hand, the items he wanted vanished from the table, ready to be called upon whenever he had need of them.

Loki looked Frigga right in the eye and the chaos inside him stilled for a moment.  
  
"As one of the only lights in the lie that was my childhood, I will grant you this one last favor. Once I have done what is requested of me, do not expect me to come back like a caged bird that knows no better. 'He' is coming and Asgard, as it stands, will have no chance. I will not bring 'Him' to your doorstep any earlier than necessary with my presence."  
  
A flick of his seidr and Loki vanishes, cutting off any word Frigga might have said.  
  
Thor had made it clear how much he still despised Loki and Loki did not feel the need to hold back by pretending that the pathways and the branches of Yggdrasil didn’t sing to him whenever he was near. That they reached for the chaos inside him and only him.  
  
Asgard had unleashed the chaos inside of him and after this one last task, for the ones who raised him, he would be free till death came for him. Because he would rather die himself than bend to another's will, be it Asgard's will... or 'His'.


End file.
